Last week, I went to San Diego for his services. It was at the cemetery when I got my first good look at his gorgeous wife, Janet, and his two children, two-year-old Shane and three-month old Shannon. A beautiful young family missing a vital, shining member. I looked at Shane, who looks just like his daddy, and wept for him. He’ll never know, first-hand, the great man his father was and the amazing father he could’ve been to his kids. That was the message that kept echoing throughout the day. Skinny, with his sense of humor, charisma and charm, would’ve made such a great dad.

And then I would stare at Janet, who just as quickly as she would begin to breakdown would stop, staying strong for her children. This will come to be the story of her life.  A woman who normally has her husband to lean on at times of weakness, suddenly is a single mom..doing it on her own. Of course, she has the love and support of so many friends and family who will always be by her side. Unfortunately, sadly, it’s just not the same.

Before services at the cemetery started, a group of us walked over to the mausoleum to pay our respects to another one of our friends taken way too early and also left behind a young, beautiful family. Eddie “the Big Kid” Costa was killed by a drunk driver while riding his bike in 2008. Eddie and his wife, Kristine, are childhood friends of mine . Their children at the time were two and ten.

These tragedies hit so close to home that I can’t help but think of the unimaginable and put myself in the shoes of these new moms whose kids will have to grow up without their fathers. I look at Steel, a spitting image of Steve, and quiver at the thought of him never knowing his dad. Or me trying to raise Steel without Steve. It would not be fair to either one of us. It is not fair to Kristine and Janet.

At 13-months-old, Steel already is so much of who he is because of Steve. He has this bubbly little personality, and that is so Steve. He is so ticklish, and that is so Steve. He is a “happy baby,” and that is so Steve. He is so handsome, and that is so Steve.

I’m blessed, fortunate and the luckiest girl in the world to have such a wonderful husband and I pray, wish and beg that he is never taken from me, us.

God bless Mike and Eddie and their families.

On a side note:

Kristine is taking part in the Walk Like MADD fundraiser in San Diego to get drunk drivers off the streets. She has a goal of $5,000. Click here if you’d like to donate to her cause.

There has also been Michael Dickinson Memorial Fund set up to help his family. Click here if you’d like to donate.

My sister-in-law is about 10-months pregnant. On Saturday was her baby shower. We know it’s a girl! Lucy Anne Knight will be her name. So there was no shortage of pink and purple onsies and blankets to unwrap along with some of the “must haves” an expectant mother needs before the arrival of her baby girl, in this case. I just can’t wait to meet Steel’s sweet little cousin, Lucy, come October.

Then, it was off to some birthday parties. Jai Dominguez and Mickey Raftery turned one and two, respectively. Happy Birthday you two gorgeous and perfect little boys!

Both parties were full of families and friends enjoying each other’s company while looking at the birthday boys in amazement, what a difference a year…or two… makes. The first birthday is always the big milestone, but two is nothing to sneeze at either!

All weekend long I was thinking how sweet it is to be going to a baby shower, and then to a one-year-old birthday party and a two-year-old birthday party.

And then life throws in a cruel and ironic twist to this celebration of new and young lives. I get a call from a girlfriend of mine who says “I have some bad news.” This is almost always certain to mean one thing: death. Unfortunately, I was right.

She told me that “Skinny” died. Mike “Skinny” Dickinson was killed in that off-road racing crash in the Mojave desert that you may have heard about by now. He was a spectator along the race course of the California 200 when one of the racers lost control of his truck and hurtled into the crowd. Eight people were killed, Skinny was one of them. Questions are now arising after this horrible incident as to why spectators are allowed to stand so close to the race course. In some instances, they are literally just feet away from these vehicles reaching speeds up to 100-miles-per-hour. Maybe something will be learned from these deaths, but it doesn’t make the loss any easier.

Skinny had, as my friend puts it, such a “bright personality,” always wearing a smile and making a joke. While I’ve lost contact with him over the years, I can’t help but wander down memory lane, remembering our high school days. I’ll never forget the times he would try to mediate a plea deal for my best friend, Samantha, and her sister, Tami, his girlfriend at the time. The two would go at it like cats and dogs and Skinny would always be trying to forge some sort of peace plan between them so we could all get on with our lives! But, because he’s such a jokster, sometimes also further instigating the matter. Fast forward 10+ years, he’s married now to his beautiful wife, Janet, with two young children ages two-years and three-months….details I found out while reading articles about the crash on the Internet.  Skinny’s life was taken way too early and taken from his children who lives have barely just begun. The pain his family is in, for me, is unimaginable and for them, I can assume, is unbearable.

My husband and I, while holding hands, talked yesterday afternoon about how we shouldn’t take life for granted because “you just never know.” We are pretty good about “letting bygones be bygones,” but we can always strive to appreciate each other better. And it never hurts to remind our loved ones time and time again how much we love them. I’ve already made several calls to family and friends since yesterday, “just checkin’ in and to say I love you.”

At night, I had trouble sleeping. I tossed and turned, thinking about how beautiful and short and ironic life can be.

Jack Johnson’s song “If I Could” comes to mind:

Down the middle drops one more
Grain of sand
They say that
New life makes losing life easier to understand
Words are kind
They helped ease the mind
I’ll miss my old friend
And though you gotta go
We’ll keep a piece of your soul
One goes out
One comes in

Let me start, once again, by saying: please forgive me for not posting in some time.

I’ll try to keep my blog current and up-to-date, but I’m a mom with a full-time job, a one-year-old (yes, he’s one now!), a husband and a dog (Duke can be just as needy as the prior two), so please allow a little leniency. I know, I know, excuses, excuses…okay, now on to the good stuff:

So, as I mentioned, Steel is now one-year-old. The big milestone was July 29. We had his party the weekend before his birthday. Steve and I agreed we didn’t want to make a huge production out of it. We just wanted to invite some close family and friends for a good ol’ fashioned barbecue.

So, that’s what we did. We reserved a space at a local park, my dad assumed his position at the BBQ pit to grill up some good carne asada, and Steel was the life of his own party.

It was Dodger themed (of course), so he was adorable as ever in his little Dodger uniform. I also had a custom Dodger pinata made; although, my brother said, “why didn’t you make it a Giants or a Padres pinata so we could beat on it?” Hmmm, good point. Next year. However, it turned out there was no beating this pinata. It’s like it was steel enforced (no pun intended). No one could crack this thing. We eventually had to let the guys just start wailing on it before it finally broke open, then candy went flying through the air, and I had to duck and cover so I wouldn’t be pelted by Tootsie Rolls.

I also had a Dodger themed cake, which Steel LOVED. He dug in and went for seconds.

For presents, some of his friends got him the most sweetest, cutest outfits ever. This kid is definitely a styling one-year-old. When boxes started to arrive in the mail from Nordstrom’s for “Steel Grey,” you know it’s going to be good! The problem is going to be not getting him used to this stuff cause then we’re in T-R-O-U-B-L-E. So you AUNTS (you know who you are!) need to cut it out unless you want to support this expensive lifestyle!

Of course, he also got a plethora of toys, which I’m forever grateful for because they keep him entertained, at least long enough for me to get some things done around the house. Although, his motorized Harley Davidson three wheeler that his eager Grandpa Richard got him will have to wait, maybe another year….or two, as well as the Rocking Horse that his Grandma Kim got him. He does love his buggy that Grandpa Gordon and Grandma Sandy got him. And Grandma Lily, we couldn’t have pulled off his party without you! (okay, I think I got them all in!)

And the best for last, Steel also got baby gates for his birthday! Woo-hoo. I don’t think he likes them very much, but they were more for us parents, anyway. We actually got this really neat gate that stays up permanently for the kitchen with a swinging door. Honestly, what will they think of next??

I know, something to slow down time because this first year went by too fast, and he’ll be two before I know it.

Another “first” for Steel….poolside at Grandpa and Grandma’s!

Steve and I had spent the weekend at his family’s cabin at Shaver Lake raking pine needles to create a defensible space (we are law abiding citizens, after all). While we were there, Steel stayed at his Grandpa Gordon and Grandma Sandy’s house in the valley.

They just built a pool at their house  and with the temps reaching into the 90’s, it was a perfect weekend for Steel to test it out.

The next day, Steve and I joined them. For us, relaxing poolside was a perfect way to end a laborious weekend!

Steel seemed to really enjoy himself in the water. It took a little getting used to, but after a bit we put him in his little floaty and he was soakin’ up the rays… doused in SPF, of course.

The day was tuckering for our little guy. Afterward, he conked out in his great-grandma’s arms. Is there anything cuter that that? I think not

Steel may as well get used to being in the water because Steve can hardly stand the wait until the two are hitting the waves together.

Surfing buddies for life, but getting his sea legs in the kiddie pool.

Steel’s now an independent 11-month old, standing on his  own two feet.

A couple of weeks ago, he started pulling himself  up. First, he would climb up on one of us, myself or my husband, and slowly and unsteadily stand. His legs would turn to Jell-O and then he would hit the floor. He learned quickly, the softest landing would be on his backside, so that’s what he did. It was hilarious to watch his thought process. As soon as he would start to fall, he stuck his little diaper-padded butt out and plop, he’d fall right on his fanny.

It wasn’t long before he started to use other things to pull himself up. The first one I witnessed was the TV stand in our living room. The moment that he “made it to the top” and stood there all alone using the stand as his prop, I was so excited I could hardly stand it! In that same moment, he grabbed a stack of DVDs that was on top of the stand and threw each one of them down onto the floor.  And that’s when it sunk in. Oh yeah, standing = access. Everything that was just out of his reach, is now accessible. Needless to say, we’ve had to start putting everything just a bit higher up these days.

He’s also taken more spills and tumbles than I care for now that he’s standing up. Sometimes he bonks his head pretty hard on his way down when he looses his balance. It’s so sad when he starts bawling! Most of the time I think he’s shocked more than he’s in pain, other times I see the fall and his cries are  pretty legit. Poor little guy. My mom keeps telling me to get used to it because he’s going to have more bumps and bruises as he stumbles and tumbles trying to get his footing.

I think that pretty much goes for the rest of his life. Sometimes you just gotta learn the hard way.

*UPDATE:  In the six days it has been since I have written this post, Steel has stood completely on his own! At one point, he stood there for at least 30 seconds before plopping down on his butt. Then, he started clapping and laughing like he was excited about his feat! If  I sound overly excited, I am!

First though, we had to stop in Solvang for a late breakfast. We had every intention of it being an early breakfast, but when you have an 11-month-old, you’re lucky to get out of the house before noon.

We ate at the Red Viking Restaurant. Every time we go to Solvang, we eat at a different place to get the full Danish experience. If you’ve never had an Aebleskiver, or as Steve says an Ooberslobber,  which is a breakfast treat, it’s a must. The Smorgassbord looked appetizing, too! Smorgassbord is a buffet, but I think it sounds more like a bad word. During breakfast, I kept saying “Oh Smorgassbord!” I know, I know…some of us have a hard time growing up

Afterward, we walked through town and made it back to the car without buying a single thing. How? I have no idea, but we did…and then we were off to the beautiful falls.

The hike to the falls was beautiful and so peaceful. Sometimes it’s good for the soul to get out of the city life and take a nature walk. The hike is only about 10 minutes, so before we knew it, we were standing there looking up at a waterfall dropping 100 feet into a pool below where children were playing in knee-deep water, laughing and splashing water on each other. It truly was a sight to see, like something out of a storybook.

We were able to get Steel close up to the sandstone wall where water trickles down from the bluff above. He would put his hand up against the wall and cold water would pour over it. Then he’d take it away and then place it back on the wall..completely amazed! How wonderful for him to be awed by one of mother nature’s wonders. I’m envious.

After soaking it all up, we left the enchanted fairytale scene and headed back into our fairytale life.

Another happy ending to a magical day.

THE END.

That’s the question I’m asked daily by friends, family, and folks who see me everyday, but I don’t get to see them: our loyal Daybreak viewers!

Whenever I’m asked, instantly a smile comes across my face and I say, ‘he’s crawling now!’

The little bugger is fast, too! One day we saw that he was figuring it… a little crawl here, a little crawl there. And the next day, he was gone, literally. I turned around and he wasn’t where I left him last. I only had to look a couple feet away, but still…talk about a heart attack.

Steve and I were so worried because Steel wasn’t rolling over and then when he was rolling over, we were worried that he wasn’t crawling, when really we should have just been enjoying the fact that he wasn’t mobile yet.

He’s non-stop now! When he’s not crawling around, he wants to be. If he’s in our arms, he’s grabbing for something out of reach. He’s definitely a chip off the old block. Both he and his dad can’t sit still… and I wouldn’t want it any other way!  They are who they are, and I love them to pieces for it.

They’re movers and shakers. I knew that about Steve when I married him and I knew it about Steel before he was even born. Steve’s always been a socail butterfly who likes to be on the move and Steel moved so much in my belly I just knew he’d be like his dad! Already, Steel loves people. He reaches to be held and smiles at everyone who smiles at him…especially the girls. Also, just like his dad!

My boys on the move…and there’s no slowin’ down now!

I had the most perfect day with my family.

It started off with a morning walk under bluish-grey skies with my boys (Steve, Steel and Duke). It was such a gorgeous morning. We walked to a coffee shop where it hit me, it’s Mother’s Day. Not that I didn’t already know, but it really sank in as I sat at an outside table. I couldn’t help but notice all the moms walking in with their sons and/or daughters. I had never taken notice before, but being a mom now, there was something so special about seeing a mom with her kids on this day just for her.

After my marveling, we walked back to our house, where my brother and his girlfriend we waiting for us with roses for me and Mimosas (orange juice and champagne) for all! They know the way to my heart. Just kidding. (kind of)

After that, it was off to Old Juan’s Mexican Cantina to meet my mother and her boyfriend for lunch and margaritas. The margaritas were my moms idea! I’m truly her daughter!

It was then time to watch the Dodgers play ball! The boys in blue gave me my very own Mother’s Day gift with a win.  The game was followed by Saturday Night Live with Betty White, which we recorded from the night before. I don’t know if it’s my work schedule or old(er) age, or both, but I just couldn’t make it until 11:30 to watch it live. She was great, BTW! As we all suspected she would be.

The day was capped with a slice of chocolate cake that Steve had gotten for me at the store after I saw a commercial that tempted me like no other!

It was a most perfect day, but then again, how could it not be? It was a day just for me, surrounded by my most favorite people.

(Well, I lied. The only way it could’ve been better was if some of my family who couldn’t make it, like my dad, older brother and mother-in-law, could’ve been there.)

Hey there! I know I kind of left you guys hanging since my last post about a month ago and I do apologize. I haven’t quite found my balance of juggling a career, motherhood and married life, that’s has then given me sometime to blog, but my question is: will I ever? Moms, any feedback? That’s a whole other post, for next time.

This time, I’ll get you all caught up since we talked last.

First, you may remember I was quite concerned that Steel was not rolling yet. Well, he rolls now… and he rolls, and rolls, and rolls, and rolls. And I must say, it’s pretty darn cute; but, while he’s rolling around from belly to back, he’s definitely keeping us on our toes! Now that he’s ‘mobile,’ look out! Just Saturday, I walked back into the living room, after being gone just a couple seconds, to stop him from putting Duke’s bone in his mouth. Mmmm, yummy. For the most part, that would’ve been harmless, disgusting, but harmless. It did remind Steve and I though that we have a lot of work to do around the house in terms of baby proofing. That should be loads fun. I’m a bit relieved he’s not crawling yet..it’s buying us sometime! That’s bad, huh?

Let’s see, what else?

Oh, my poor little guy is just starting to feel better after his first bout of sickness. Of course his first illness could not have been just the common cold, Steel was knocked out for about nine days with bronchitis, an ear infection, and some other type of virus. His first trip to the ER was when his fever reached 104. His second trip was a couple days later when he wasn’t getting any better. It really scared the living daylights out of us. Steel was just not himself. Our normal happy-go-lucky, smiling Steel had the saddest look on his face and just wanted to lay his head on our chest and sleep. Slowly we started to see him come back around. And I’m happy to report, he is his normal self again. Although, it did throw our routine out of whack. Steel was very good at going to sleep, in his crib, at a certain time and, for the most part, sleeping all night, but for a bottle in the early morning. While he was sick, he slept with us. So, he got just a little too used to it. We were also on a pretty good eating schedule: breakfast, lunch, dinner with a bottle every three hours or so in between. Since he wasn’t eating while he was sick, Steve and I got thrown off and Steel also lost his appetite. Luckily, we’re all finding our way again.

He had yet another big milestone: Steel turned nine-months-old on April 29.

I’m pretty sure he has spoken a few words, too. I say pretty sure because it may just be parents’ wishful thinking, but just hear me out. Most of you know, his first word was ‘dada,’ whether he knows what he’s saying is a whole other debate, but he does say it nonetheless. If you missed it, click here to watch the video of the first time he said it.  He also says Duke, I swear it! Duke is our dog. No, he doesn’t say it as clear as a bell, but he looks at Duke and says “Dk.” And lastly, he said Dodgers! Okay, this one MAY

Steel's Dodger Billboard

BE a bit of a stretch, but even my mom, who despises the Dodgers (and yet somehow were are related), heard it! Here’s how it happened: the Dodger game was about to start, so I said in Steel’s ear “Dod-gers,” using two syllables, and it sounded like Steel tried to repeat what I said. After the excitement, my mom quickly added, “Suck. Dodgers suck, Steel.” Padre fan. Go figure.

So, that’s the latest and the greatest. He is mobile, he was sick, and he may just be the baby genius who can identify his dad, his dog and his favorite baseball team, the Dodgers, at the young age of nine-months old!

Another month, another worry. This newest concern of mine is a few years out for me to even be troubled about, but why put off 7 years what I can do today, right?

Okay, so here’s my newest concern: Steel’s a big baby, there’s no denying it and he’s showing no signs of slowing down, which means he’ll be a big kid, a big boy and a big man someday. Well, already people are saying, “you’ve got a football player on your hands.” A what? I DON’T THINK SO. NOT MY ANGEL.

My pre-Steel days, I had never given much thought about keeping my son, if I ever had one out of football. The more sports the better, I always thought. But now, when I look at my sweet, little boy, there’s no way I’ll let him step foot on the gridiron for him to be pulverized…or for him to pulverize other boys for that matter!

I was explaining this to a dad I met over the weekend, one of many who has made the “football” comment, and he said he has three boys who all play football. He said it’s all about starting them early that way they are smart on the field and know how to avoid getting hurt. Hmmm, sorry, but that’s little comfort. It just plants an image in my mind of Steel “learning the hard way” and getting tackled at the ripe age of 6. Uh, yeah, not gonna happen.

Baseball? Sure. Basketball? Knock yourself out. Water polo? Why not. Tennis? I’ll buy the racket. Football? Over my dead body!

I say all this now, but when the time comes and Steel and Steve are hounding me to let him play, maybe I’ll lighten up, maybe. After all, my brothers played football… and…they’re…okay…hmm, in hindsight, this may explain a few things. HA HA! Well, at least physically they’re fine

Anyway, like I said before, I have years to form a good debate, right now I have other things to worry about, like the fact that he’s already making faces when he eats his green beans!